Rewind … March 2009 to Present


Rewind to March 2009. Matt and I began the process of trying to get pregnant. I had it all planned out! You see, in January 2008 I started my Masters at Trevecca Nazarene University. I remember thinking and planning how perfect it would be if I finished my Masters in November, was pregnant, and had the baby soon after. That would have allowed me to stay home until the next school year began.

As months quickly passed, and I still was not pregnant it suddenly seemed that everyone else was. Many of our family and friends became pregnant after only a few months. Even pregnant women I passed in the grocery store became a symbol of my jealousy and sadness. Matt and I both were becoming very discouraged and often questioned God and his timing. During this part of our journey, Matt and I chose to confide in only a few family and friends. I mean, why would we want to let people know that we were hurting? I guess for us, it was just a private matter. Because people did not know, we often had to endure comments such as these: Oh, you will know when you are ready to have a baby. When are you guys going to have a baby?

In late December some good friends of ours, not knowing our situation, gave us the Shane and Shane CD. If you don’t know who they are, check them out online! I am going to record some of the words to, what became one of my prayers to God from their song, For the Good.

When darkness is surrounding me,
By your Spirit Lord help me see,
You are working all things out
And Lord I really need to hear you speak,
But remind me in the waiting,
You are working all things out for the good

Of those who are called by you
For those who love you …

Holy, God of light,
I lay down my life,
Holy is the Lord, even in the storms
Be glorified.

After Christmas, I got offered a job as a 1st grade teacher at Sunset Elementary in Brentwood, TN. Honestly, I began a part of my journey that would give me a LOT less time to think about being/getting pregnant. I began to see how the Lord put me there, at that specific time for a reason.

Let us fast forward a bit to late winter/ early spring 2010. I recall praying for someone with whom to walk this difficult journey. The Lord provided and sent me an amazing woman of God who had walked a similar journey.

It was April 2010; I had made up my mind to begin testing. I mean, I was just certain that something was wrong with me. Matt and I talked and had prepared to begin yet another difficult journey to determine the problem. However, on April 24 I woke up and knew it was way past my “time of the month.” I nervously took a pregnancy test. I remember shaking, waiting, and looking at the test in disbelief. This cannot be right I thought. I woke Matt up immediately. He didn’t believe it either. That day I went and bought another test. Yes, the companies that makes pregnancy tests LOVE ME!

As weeks passed, it became easier to believe that I really was pregnant. I thank God for the blessing of morning sickness that got worse as the weeks progressed. Here we are, beginning the 12th week of pregnancy! Yes, Baby M (as my 5-year-old nephew calls it) is growing and changing daily. We cannot wait to welcome him/her on December 27th, 2010 (or whenever he/she decides to arrive)!